Thank you so much for taking the time to take this quiz, the thing to remember is we are always a mix of different parenting strategies.
Your main parenting trait is
Do any of these statements sound like you?
You set rules but rarely enforce them.
You don't give out consequences very often.
You think your child will learn best with little interference from you.
If those statements sound familiar, you might be a permissive parent. Permissive parents are lenient. They often only step in when there's a serious problem.
I find I tend to fall into the permissive parenting role when I'm tired or I need a break because i haven't given myself enough me time!
They're quite forgiving and they adopt an attitude of "kids will be kids." When they do use consequences, they may not make those consequences stick. They might give privileges back if a child begs or they may allow a child to get out of time-out early if he promises to be good.
Permissive parents usually take on more of a friend role than a parent role. They often encourage their children to talk with them about their problems, but they usually don't put much effort into discouraging poor choices or bad behaviour.
Kids who grow up with permissive parents are more likely to struggle academically.
They may struggle a bit more with authority, as they don't appreciate that or rules.
They're also at a higher risk for health problems, like obesity, because permissive parents struggle to limit junk food intake. They are even more likely to have dental cavities because permissive parents often don't enforce good habits, like ensuring a child brushes his teeth.
“Hell hath no fury like a toddler who’s sandwich was been cut into squares when they wanted triangles.”
01. Establish Clear Rules
Boundaries are so important, one of the basic Human needs is security and that is what rules and boundaries give you. If you cannot find a healthy way to meet your basic human needs you brain will find anyway to meet them, and this is often unhealthy.
When your child understands the underlying safety concerns, health hazards, moral issues, or social reasons behind your rules, they will develop a better understanding of life. They will also be more likely to follow the rules when you aren’t there to enforce them.
Rules do not have to be complicated and hard to enforce. For example I started but asking Charlie to tidy up his toys and I would help him and make it into a game, who can do it the quickest. As time went on I start to just ask (not tell) him to do it himself.
And I always say thank you when he has done it!
Consequences are so, so important and such an important life lesson. If you make a mistake at work, there are consequences, if you drive to fast there are consequences. If you never experienced these as a child you are going to be in for quite a big shock when you are an adult!
Consequences are often logical in nature, a child who refuses to shut off their video game may lose video game privileges for 24 hours. Your need to create consequences that will help your child learn to do better in the future. If they hit their sibling, take away a privilege. Then, focus on teaching better anger management or conflict resolution skills. Ask, “What can you do next time you get upset so you don’t hit?” Then, talk about options and teach alternatives to hitting.
Make consequences time-sensitive, too. Instead of saying, “You can have your tablet back when I can trust you again,” say, “You can use your tablet again once you can show me that you’re responsible. You can show me you are responsible by completing your chores and getting your homework done on time every day this week.”
The biggest reason consequences don't work is because parents to stick to their guns and enforce them. Yes the first few times are going to be tough (think Super Nanny) but it will be so worth it and trust me, your life will be much calmer and happier once your children know where they stand.
02. Use Consequences That Teach Life Lessons
03. Balance Freedom With Responsibility
Freedom is a wonderful thing and really can help children to learn to self regulate and learn risk assessment, but they need to have those skills under their belt before they go off and do something silly.
Responsibility is a key lesson that helps children to understand that while freedom is great, it needs to be looked with a sense of responsibility.
For example, they can have a hamster and all the fun that brings (our family have had 3 hamsters!) BUT they also need to feed it and clean it out and make sure it had water and don't let it end up being you that does all of that!
If your child is struggling with something, create a behaviour management plan that will support your child’s efforts to become more independent.
Provide extra support initially, but make sure that your child isn’t becoming more dependent on you to tell them what to do. Over time, they should become increasingly self-reliant.
"You're still a rockstar, I whisper to myself as I turn off Paw Patrol and get into bed at 9pm."
How The Mum Squad can help...
Hi my name is Anna and I am a mum, a step mum, a meal planner, appointment scheduler, fashion consultant, chief negotiator and full time lover of all things Chris Pratt.
Ok so the last thing probably isn't relevant but you get the picture.
I have spent the last 10 years negotiating the highs and lows of parenting in all its (often, and lets be honest, disgusting) glory!
I am a mum to a 4 year old boy and step mum to a 12 year old boy and 15 year old girl (they are the reason I know what snapchat and tiktok are!)
I have lived though everything from a week in the SCBU, baby led weaning (SO stressful and messy),the struggles of breastfeeding to everything a teenage girl bring to the mix (and it's not ending anytime soon!), negotiating a blended family and my genuine concerns around social media and the effect it is having on a generation that don't know a world without it.
I truly believe that your squad, tribe, women who will tell you its ok to get through bath time with prosecco on a Monday night are the people who get you through the mind numbingly boring and often totally SHIT moments of being a parent. They are your cheer squad and will be there for all the big and more often than not LITTLE wins!
They are your friends for life, your kindred spirits and your reality check (cos sometimes we need that too)